


Lizzy's Lament

by midnaleaf



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Character Death, Cheating, Depressing, F/M, Feels, I Made Myself Cry, Implied Sexual Content, Letters, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Please Kill Me, Sad, Suicide, Suicide Notes, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-10-31 09:11:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17846564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnaleaf/pseuds/midnaleaf
Summary: Elizabeth's suicide letter to her betrothed, Ciel Phantomhive.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, it's good to be back! So, my other account got deleted for some reason, it was actually quite saddening, and I couldn't get it recovered. So, after going through the process of getting another invitation and all, I'm back with a new account! (If it wasn't obvious, my old account was MidnaLeaf, but now, its just midnaleaf, i mean its obvious, holy shit im just making a fool of myself and rambling) ANYWHO, now I'm just going back and reposting my stuff. Enjoy!

_Dear Ciel,_

_I have written this not out of hate, but of love. Just know that I wish the best for you in life, and I hope you do not dwell on the contents of this letter or the condition that you have found me in too much._

_I remember the day when your manor burned down, and we were told that you and your parents had been killed. I broke into tears. I've always wanted to protect and care for you, but I had failed. I remember thinking I would never see your smiling face again, that we would never run around in the meadow behind my house again, that I would never see_ you _again._

 _When you came back to us a month later, I was_ _ecstatic. I jumped onto you, expecting a warm hug that would end in us laughing and rolling around in the plush green grass. But you didn't even lift up your arms to wrap them around me._

_We were all confused at the butler who stood by your side, who acted as if it was his rightful place, and that he had been with you all along. But soon, it didn't matter why he was there, or where he had came from, because he was exceptionally good at his job. Mother always fussed about his hair or his side comments, but for the most part, he was the perfect butler fit for an earl as yourself._

_We all thought your sour mood was because of your month being kidnapped and your parents being killed, or perhaps the burden of the position of the Queen's Watchdog. We assumed with time, that your happy personality would soon return to you._

_But it never did. And I grew to become okay with that, learned to love you for who you had become. It was my duty, after all. I had to stay strong and stand beside you, it was expected of me as your future wife._

_As you grew older, I realized that you no longer had the same fondness for me that you once had. I was distraught. Was there another girl? Perhaps one your height, one who wasn't deadly with swords. Perhaps she was able to wear high heels without making you feel short. Yes, I was certain that you had become infatuated with another lady._

_I remember one day, as my family sat around your dining table, chatting about this and that, you said nothing, just quietly sat there. Then, your eyes shifted to Sebastian, who stood in the corner of the room, and his red eyes met yours. He made a small gesture to you, which your rolled your eyes at, and then looked back at us, joining in on the conversation._

_That was when I first suspected something was going on between the two of you. I wasn't sure what, but I knew it was something. You both kept up with the small gestures the whole evening, until you suddenly announced that you were retiring early for the night, claiming you had a busy schedule tomorrow and needed a good rest, telling us that the servants would bring dessert for us and escort us out whenever we were ready. We all said are goodbyes, but a few minutes after you had left, I excused myself to go to the washroom._

_I did not want to particularly admit this, but I had no need for the washroom, I excused myself to snoop. I know its unbecoming that a lady like myself should go about snooping in a home that is not mine, but I did. I was curious to see if you were actually going to bed, it wasn't like you to skip dessert. I snuck up the stairs and down the hallway that let to your quarters. The door was carelessly left cracked open, and I peeked inside.......and immediately wished I hadn't._

_I never expected you to be laying on the bed, half naked, with Sebastian between your legs. And I definitely didn't expect you to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down close, telling him how much you loved him. As soon as I saw the sight before me, I ran, holding back sobs. I flung myself into a random room in the hallway, which was an empty storage room. There, I fell upon my knees and weeped._

_At first, I was angry. How could you? A highly esteemed noble as yourself, in bed with another man. Not just a man, but your butler! Not to mention, all while being engaged to me, your fiancee._

_I laid in that empty room for about twenty minutes, angry tears rolling down my face, before I composed myself and returned to the dinner table. When Mother asked what took me so long, I apologised and said I had gotten lost in the manor, which we both knew was a lie, but she said nothing of it._

_During the next few months, I threw a bit of a tantrum. Got jealous every time I saw a lady strolling down the street with a man at her side, holding hands. Refused to visit you, even when you had invited me to a banquet, which I loved. When my family asked what the matter was, I huffed and stormed out of the room. But I never told them what I had seen._

_Finally, my Mother dragged me to one of the social gatherings you were hosting, telling me that whatever issues I was having with you needed to be resolved. When we arrived, we were greeted by Sebastian at the door, and I wanted to hit him, but I didn't. I smiled at him like I always do and stepped inside, walking away from him as fast as I could. The party was held in your grand foyer, and I spotted you immediately among the crowd, watching you chat with some other noble. Eventually, your eyes caught mine and you came over, asking why I had not visited in such a while. I didn't answer, I couldn't. I just broke down into tears and fell onto the ground, and you kneeled down and awkwardly patted me, asking what the matter was. When I looked up, I saw Sebastian watching us from a short ways away._

_The look on his face said it all._

_It told more than any words could. Jealousy. Possession._

_But more importantly, that deep fondness that is known as love._

_I quickly backed away from you, and you gave me a strange look, asking once more what the matter was, but I shook my head and stood up, wiping away my tears and smoothing down my dress. I walked away and joined my mother, and left you there, confused as to why I had left._

_I was incredibly sad. I wasn't suprised that someone else had fallen for you, you were very attractive after all, but I realized that the reason you showed me no fondness must be because you loved him back._

_I spent the next week fretting over this. Am I not good enough? Not pretty enough? Can he care for you more than I can? Have I done something wrong?_

_Two weeks after the gathering, I snuck away from home to visit you. I didn't rush into the manor and hug you or decorate things as I normally would. No, I calmly knocked on the door, and was greeted by Sebastian, who smiled and let me in. He told me you were asleep and shouldn't be disturbed, but I ignored him and marched straight up to your bedroom._

_Inside, I found you asleep in your nightshirt. Your eyepatch wasn't on, and you looked peaceful. Sebastian again tried to get me to leave, but instead, I sat on the bed next to you, moved the hair out of your face, and whispered, "I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you."_

_You didn't hear me, you were asleep. But Sebastian did, and he said nothing of it. I looked at you one last time before leaving, not just your room, but your manor, for the last and final time._

_It occured to me, that, if we got married, you would never truly love me, because you were infatuated with him. You would pretend as if you did, but inside I knew you would never see me as your wife._

_I realized, that, by marrying you, I was putting a barrier between you and who you loved, and that even marriage wouldn't stop you from seeing Sebastian._

_I hated your relationship, yes, but I hated the thought of marrying you when you have no love for me whatsoever even more. I knew I couldn't call off the marriage, Mother would never allow it, and you wouldn't call it off probably in fear if what Mother would do, or perhaps marrying me was expected of you, being an earl and all._

_So, I found a solution. It might not be the smartest, but, it will serve its purpose. You no longer are bound to me as a fiance. You won't have to marry me. Granted, maybe if I had talked to you about it instead of doing this then maybe we could have figured something out, but how could I keep living knowing you had chosen your male butler over me? I couldn't._

_I'm sorry it had to be this way. Even though I may not approve of it, if Sebastian makes you happy, then I suppose your relationship's alright, because at least he can make you happy, and that's all I ever wanted to do._

_Do not tell my family of this. Burn it. Throw it away immediately. They must not find out, or else they will hate you, and that can't happen. Let them think my death was something else, perhaps I killed myself over clothing. Everyone perceives me as a silly girl anyway, even you do, so they'd probably believe it._

_I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I love you, Ciel Phantomhive._

_-Lizzy Ethel Cordelia Midford_

 

 

Ciel looked up at the body of his former fiancee, where a sword poked out of her chest, the pink dress she wore stained with blood. He looked behind him at his lover, Sebastian, with tears in his eyes, crying for the first time in a long time.

"What have I done, Sebastian?"

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the grammar mistakes and really short chapter in advance.

 

After giving Lizzy's body to Undertaker, who was to prepare her for the funeral, Sebastian and Ciel stopped by the Midford manor to deliver the news. It was a somber occasion, filled with tears and questions. Ciel didn't reveal the true reason why his fiancee had killed herself, how could he? Instead, he simply told them that he wasn't aware of the reason.

They had found the body on the road to Ciel's manor. Ciel knew it was because she had wanted him to get to the letter before anyone else did. It was clearly suicide- her hands were still clutching the hilt of the sword that was impaled deep in her chest.

The carriage ride back to the manor was silent. Neither earl or his butler spoke. Upon returning to the manor, the servants asked what was wrong, and Sebastian explained to them what had happened as Ciel stormed up to his room.

He flopped onto his bed, trying to think of something, _anything_ to distract him, but his mind kept wandering back to Elizabeth.

Had he told her his feelings instead of hiding the truth from her, would things have turned out differently? It was true, Ciel did not love the girl as a fiancee, but she _was_ family after all. He felt terrible, guilt pooling inside of him.

He was pulled away from his thoughts by a quiet tapping on the door. "Young master? Are you alright?"

Ciel rolled over onto his back. "Come in, Sebastian."

The door creaked open and Sebastian stepped in, placing the candelabra that was in his hand. "Would you like to retire early for the night, my lord?"

The young earl grabbed a pillow and pushed it against his own face. "I told you not to speak with such formalities when we're alone, Sebastian." The words came out muffled from under the pillow.

"I'm sorry, I just figured that under the circumstances-"

The pillow was thrown aside. " _What_ circumstances?"

The demon sighed, stepping closer to the boy. "You know what I'm talking about."

Ciel sat up, grabbing his own hair in frustration. "Yeah, and those _circumstances_ are because of this!" He motioned to himself and Sebastian. "We are the cause of it. _I_ am the cause of it!" He scooted closer to the edge of the bed, so he was a foot away from his butler. "She would still be alive if it weren't for me."

Sebastian pulled the young boy into his arms, running a hand through his blue locks. "Love, you shouldn't have such thoughts. It's bad for your mental health."

Ciel buried his face into his butler's chest, relishing his smell. "Then make me forget."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow as Ciel pulled away from him. "I'm not sure erasing your memory would be wise-"

"Not like that." He patted a spot on the edge of the bed, where Sebastian came and sat, legs hanging off the side. Ciel climbed on top of him and straddled him, rubbing his face into the older male's neck.

Sebastian wrapped his arms around the boy, his gloved hand traveling up the boy's back underneath his shirt. "But you just said that this is what caused the problem." He murmured, pulling Ciel's face up to look at him.

"I don't care." He wrapped his arms around Sebastian's neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

 

* * *

 

Ciel was a panting and dazed mess as Sebastian pulled his member out of the boy's sore hole. The demon pulled his own trousers back on, watching Ciel's limp form on the bed. "Would you like me to draw a bath?"

The boy nodded, looking at the mess of bodily fluids and scrunching his face up in disgust. "Ugh, it's your fault that I'm sticky."

Sebastian gave him an innocent look. "My fault? You're the one who wanted me to do this. And if I recall, you were begging for more as I pounded into-"

A pillow landed square in his face. "Go draw my bath, you sorry excuse of a butler!" Ciel yelled, his cheeks warm.

Sebastian chuckled and did as his master asked of him.

Ciel sighed as Sebastian went to the washroom. Their time spent together didn't solve his problem, but it sure was an excellent distraction.

 

* * *

 

Two days later, a small crowd of people were gathered in a church. It was the same place where Madame Red's funeral had been held, and on this day it served as the place for Elizabeth's.

Ciel sat in the front row next to his aunt, not paying attention to the priest that was giving a speech about Elizabeth. All he could do was stare at the open casket a few feet ahead of him where she lay, curly hair down in a pale pink dress.

The two hour occasion passed by quickly, filled with friends and family members telling accounts of Elizabeth's life. Everyone gathered there was crying- all except Ciel. He never showed weakness in front of anyone. So he heald back his tears and kept his eyes locked on to the body of his former fiancee.

As his aunt sat back down from giving her speech, she looked over at Ciel. "Where's your butler?"

"He's waiting outside. He didn't think it would be appropriate for a servant like himself to be in here."

She scoffed. "Not appropriate?" She stood up, much to the shock of the surrounding crowd, and marched her way outside, reappearing moments later with a very stubborn Sebastian, who unwillingly sat in an empty seat in the back row.

Ciel gave him a small smile, which he did not return.

Sebastian had never been fond of Lady Elizabeth. At first, it was because she always messed up schedules with her nagging to see Ciel, and how she would always redecorate the manor to her liking, but more recently it was because of her relationship with Ciel. Sebastian was extremely possessive, and hated it when the blond got hand-sy with his lover.

But even he couldn't help but feel sorry for Ciel, he could sense a tornado of emotions spiraling from the boy. To Sebastian, this was just another loss of an incredibly short human life that passes in the blink of an eye, but to Ciel, the closest living family member that he had was now gone.

A while later the service had ended, and everyone had lined up to say their final goodbyes to the girl. Once Ciel reached the casket, he took Elizabeth's hand in his and raised it up to his lips, whispering a soft ' _I'm sorry for doing this to you'_ before pressing the cold hand to his lips. He guided the hand back in its place and quickly turned around, ordering Sebastian to take him home, not taking a final glance at the casket.

Little did he know, from the window above, a pair of yellow-green eyes watched him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally reposted the second chapter that I hadn't realized i wrote- oops! Anywho, now rereading this and going into writing the third and maybe final chapter, I kind of want to male this a full story but at the same time am on the fence about it. Oh well, we'll see. Anywho, thanks for all the love on the first chapter! The kind comments really feed my soul lol <3

**Author's Note:**

> Not gonna lie, this makes me cry every time. Lizzy is one of my favorite characters and she gets alot of hate but I love her. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed! Also, I'm thinking about adding 2 more parts to this, since Lizzy would become a grimm reaper. Not sure though.


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